fiction and other musings: On the fad of Hipsters

In short, this is how
I feel about hipsters

Oh my dear sweet insert-something-you've-never-heard-of. Hipsters bug the shit out of me (as I assume they do most everyone, even other hipsters). I feel that this hipster fad has given thrift stores a bad name (or a good one, considering how many people now shop at them to dress ironically). There are many things hipsters have ruined. If you like something that is obscure, or that people have not yet heard of, you are immediately decried as a hipster. I feel there is a "Yo Dawg" [see here if you are not meme savvy] worthy level of irony to being a hipster; you can only be a hipster if you don't like hipsters, or claim not to be one, but they're goddamn everywhere, thereby making them not hipster; they all dress the same, making it mainstream, negating any hipster status. Even more ironically are those who could be called "true hipsters," i.e. those who genuinely like obscure things and are not liking them merely for the fact that no one else likes them, hate being called hipsters even worse (I have often been called a hipster, because I like things people have never heard of, and I'm from California -- this fact alone somehow makes me 15% hipster).

Upon gazing anything hipster an immediate annoyance wells within me to the point where I have to choose between biting my lip (making it bleed) and trying to find some humor in the disgustingly ironic situation. Perhaps the most offending item of hipster sub-culture (don't call us a subculture, subculture is so mainstream) are the thick-rimmed glasses whose style, three years ago, was laughed at for being garish and reminiscent of a late '70's to early 80's pencil-necked nerd. It is a style that has become grossly popularized by celebrities. As if this obnoxiously retro style weren't bad enough, hipster had the gall to just go about wearing this hideous things without any lenses in them. It reminds me of a girl in my kindergarten class who showed up to class one day wearing glasses with no lenses, claiming she needed glasses now because she looked at the sun too long (because we all thought glasses were cool, until we had to get them). I remember being so mad at her for lying straight to everyone's face, and I wondered why the hell everyone was going along with it when clearly she didn't need those glasses at all (I even stuck my finger through the empty frames and wiggled it in front of her face, going see? She doesn't even need them!). That is not, however, why I hate hipster glasses. I hate hipster glasses on the grounds that a) it is stupid to wear such an ugly style that one out of every three hundred people can pull off, and b) that it is so beyond ridiculous to wear plastic frames with no lenses.

Retro has always been popular, maybe because the past has the same appeal as stories from your parents' childhoods does. Hipsterdom, however, takes "retro" to another level entirely. The hipster fad enrages me because hipsters have taken many things about the past that were reviled, ridiculed, and discarded years ago and elevates it to godly status of cool. Lens flare? Holy shit so artistic. Color infidelity? Red-tinged over-exposed mess? Messed up contrast? Jesus christ hipsters eat that right the hell up. Most of us would look at Instagram photos and think (after the immediate mental cry of HIPSTEEEEEEER!) the images were old and could really use some touching up. Hipsters took all the beauty and awe of old things and made them ludicrously popular, popular enough to become a fad more annoying than Pogs or Furbies or movie merchandising.

Perhaps I hate hipsters most of all because they do not seem to understand what "ironic" actually means. The definition of irony is one I think many do not understand, because this right here is the definition of irony:

1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the oppositeof its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when Isaid I had to work all weekend.

2. In literature:
a. a technique of indicating, as through character or plotdevelopment, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated.

b. (especially in contemporary writing) a manner of organizing a work so as to give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses, attitudes,etc., especially as a means of indicating detachment from a subject, theme, or emotion.

3. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

and hipsters seem to think it means "lol I ironically like this because it's not cool to like it so I'm only doing it to go against the grain of society just like these other fifty people over here omg I'm so unique and original I understand irony."

I do not enjoy hipsters. In fact, I loathe them. It is the second worst fad I have had to bear (the first being the popularity of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I shudder to think of how much money she has made off of such shite) and could I travel back in time to alter any event, it would be to stop the rising popularity of everything hipster.

As a bonus, here are some helpful diagrams and images of hipsters. Stare at them long enough and perhaps you will understand some of my pain (or just go to instagram or tumblr).